


Call Me To My Death I Beg Of You

by Aimandfire



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Boats and Ships, Cold, Depression, Drowning, Gen, Hypothermia, Imagination, Ocean, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Rescue, Sirens, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Water
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26597962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aimandfire/pseuds/Aimandfire
Summary: Roman decided to take his family on a tour of the imagination, including the ocean where sirens and other sea creatures live. However he and the other sides didn't notice Logan was slipping, fading away. They didn't notice him locking himself in his room more and more, succumbing to exhaustion. No one was expecting him to take this opportunity and try to end it all.Luckily his family refuses to let him hurt himself.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63





	Call Me To My Death I Beg Of You

Logan often forgot how closely the imagination was to real life. Of course it wasn’t a perfect imitation, but close enough to make you forget if you closed your eyes. He could smell the salt in the air and feel the water all around when he closed his eyes. He wasn’t quite sure what ocean Roman was trying to imitate, but it was close enough.

“I’m sure you know me and Remus love to take inspiration from mythology, but we often have to alter such creatures to make the imagination safe.” Roman stated proudly as he made dramatic hand movements at the top of the hull. He was kind enough to give all the sides a tour of the imagination. Remus decided to opt out, but the rest of them were there. Patton was running all around the small ship like a hyperactive child that could not stay still. Virgil was sitting by Roman, and even took his jacket off for once. Janus was their as well, and had managed to find an even more dramatic hat than he usually wore. And then their was Logan, who wasn’t even really listening. He supposed he should, Roman was being quite generous with his time after all, but he just couldn’t bring himself to care. It was better than laying on his bed and doing nothing, which was becoming a rather frequent hobby of his.

“What? Is your hydra’s like tiny or something?” Virgil teased with a smile on his face, causing Janus to perk up. He was a fan of reptiles after all.

Instead Roman just laughed. “Not quite my dear emo nightmare, but we can certainly go see him later.” Roman offered, before glancing over the horizon and perking up when he saw a small landmass that could hardly even be considered an island. “I wanted to show off the sirens first.” This caused Virgil to frown and Patton to finally stop.

“Don’t those drown people kiddo? Are you sure it’s safe?” Patton asked. Logan couldn’t deny he was also curious. Not nervous, but curious. Would he finally see what was so alluring about a sirens call? It would be an interesting way to die. Shame he wouldn’t be able to take notes.

“Don’t worry papa bear! While the sound of a siren is alluring they don’t effect you. They just are really good singers.” Roman explained, and the others accepted his answer easily. Logan suddenly realized that Roman wouldn’t just trick his friends into dying for no reason, but still felt slightly disappointed that he wouldn’t have a chance. Unless…

“I  _ won’t  _ be sure to keep everyone safe and on the boat. Don’t worry.” Janus said, unaware of Logan’s scheming. This would be a perfect opportunity. The ocean around was insanely deep. Everyone would be distracted with the sirens, they wouldn’t see or hear him fall into the ocean. By the time they saw he was gone it would be too late. There would be no body, no mess. He’d just… Disappear.

The first sirens melodys started to waft over the ship along with the salty air and Patton squealed in excitement. Logan suddenly realized a flaw with his plan-He might not drown. He could float. Quickly he looked around the ship for something that could help and found himself suddenly thankful for Roman’s dramatics. The entire ship was made to mimic a pirates ship, just slightly smaller. That included a small cannon that probably worked, along with a pile of cannonballs. Logan glanced at the others to check that they were still focused on the sirens. None of them were looking at him as the music was getting even louder. He wasted no time picking up the cannonballs and shoving them in his pockets, three in each.

The music was getting louder, and the sirens were coming into view. They looked like silvery mermaids, and they seemed to be singing in latin. Unlike the others Logan wasn’t trying to get closer. He didn’t notice Janus looking at him side eyed, but the snake side assumed he was merely nervous.

“It’s safe Logan, I won’t let you fall.” Janus offered, causing Logan to jump slightly in surprise.

“It’s alright, I’d rather stay here for now.” Logan said as flatly as he could. Janus merely shrugged before turning away.

The noise was getting louder now as gentle waves started rocking the boat. Truly the music was beautiful as it filled his ears and flooded his senses. He didn’t have a desire to follow it, but no one else needed to know that. 

Finally it was loud enough to cover all other sounds. The waves crashing on the ships below seemed utterly silent in comparison and Logan knew it was time to act. Glancing back at the others he checked that no one was watching him. He wasted no time making his way to the edge before silently falling to the water alone.

The water was freezing. At surface level the temp was fine but below that it was awful. The chill permeated through his entire body and instinctively he tried to curl up, but that did nothing. He was also sinking fast. The heavy cannon balls were doing their job as he was descending deeper and deeper. 

No longer having to worry about that Logan took a deep breath, salt water painfully filling his lungs. He was starting to regret that but it was too late to change his mind and he couldn’t cough it up anyway. A small voice in his head was screaming  _ what are you doing  _ but it was ignored in the pain and self-loathing. As his vision started to blur he let his mind wander to his family one last time, before he finally blacked out.

………..

Logan felt his body being wrenched out of the cold and into the air as his lungs started to burn. Their were hands, so many hands all over as he was pulled unwillingly onto the boat. His body coughed up water against his will as his vision returned. There was a buzzing in his ears which made it so he couldn’t hear but he could tell their was yelling. Patton was frozen and looking pale. Roman seemed to be fishing something out of the water and Janus was looking right at him, talking to him.

“EATH! BREATH! BREATH!” He kept yelling, and Logan suddenly realized why things were so foggy. He inhaled a lungful of air and suddenly everything became clear. The cold, the screaming, the lack of any music, and the pain in his lungs.

Forcefully he coughed up a lungful of water onto Janus. He tried to apologize but was too busy coughing to talk. When he finally could speak he noticed something missing.

“Virgil. Where’s Virgil.” He asked in a weakened voice, coughing again. Janus didn’t seem to calm down as Logan spoke and only gripped him tighter.

“I’ve got him!” Roman yelled as he finally pulled a soaking wet Virgil out of the ocean and onto the boat. His makeup was a mess, his black eyeliner covering his face like strained tears.

Logan tried to jerk up, but Janus held him down. “He’s fine.” Janus said, all too calm for this situation. Then he turned to Roman with a deadly glare. “I thought you said we wouldn’t drown.” Janus’s voice was calm, but he was absolutely furious.

“It shouldn’t!” Roman defended “That shouldn’t have been possible! That shouldn’t have happened!” Roman threw his hands up in the air in utter frustration as Logan coughed some more.

“Well it happened! What the Hell Princey!” Virgil screached, as Logan just sat dazed. “It’s freezing! We could develop hypothermia!” Virgil yelled again. “Please tell me you at least have some blankets?” Virgil was starting to shiver.

“Yes, right here. You two need to get out of your wet clothes and we need to get home.” Patton commanded nervously. Virgil was already starting to strip but Logan was in too much of a daze. Janus had decided against trying to bring Logan back to reality as he was unbuttoning his shirt and tearing it off. Only when he started taking his pants off did Logan react.

“Stop!” He screeched, not really knowing what else to do. “Stay back!” He screamed again. Logan blinked in surprise, but let go. He didn’t even notice the attention was back on him again.

“Okay okay! I won’t touch you.” Janus said, holding his hands up in a motion of surrender as Logan scurried backwards, pushing himself against the wall of the ship. He tried to stand but his legs were too shaky. “Logan, you are safe.” Janus explained in a flat tone to try and calm him down. It didn’t work as Logan grabbed the edge of the boat to lift himself up. The others were giving him space, keeping their distance as he started to hyperventilate.

“Logan, we are going home. We will be on solid ground soon. You’ll be safe. We will get home and you can relax.” Janus tried again to calm him. “Please, get away from the edge and lay down. You are working yourself into-” Logan looked down at the water and Janus suddenly realized it wasn’t from fear, but longing. “Shit. GRAB HIM!” Janus screeched a second too late, all calmness from his voice gone. 

Logan vaulted over the edge of the boat, expecting the cold water below. What he wasn’t expecting were warm arms wrapped around his waist. “NO!” He screamed as he started to flail, the hands holding him loosening slightly.

“Help! Please Help!” Patton begged from behind him as his arms flailed. Someone grabbed his right arm and someone grabbed his left as he was hoisted back onto the ship with a whimper.

Quickly he was restrained on the ground despite his flailing. “What’s going on? Did he hit his head? Is he hallucinating? Logan, kiddo, you’re safe I promise.” Patton said frantically. Logan ignored him as he kept kicking. 

“Patton, grab some blankets. We need to warm him up. I’ll try to calm him down.” Janus commanded. Logan realized it was Virgil and Roman who were holding him down and he felt disheartened. They were the strongest sides by far. Remus might have been stronger but he wasn’t there anyway.

“Logan, you are safe. We will not hurt you. No one will hurt you.” Janus's voice was almost hypnotica and Logan was losing strength quickly. He stopped struggling as much, listening to the deceitful side's voice. “We are going back to the mindscape. You are tired. You are confused. We will get you back to your room. It will be warm. You will get some sleep. You are safe.” His voice was so melodic Logan briefly thought about how laughable the sirens were in comparison. Then Virgil piped up.

“Hey Jan, there's something in his pockets.” He said unsurly, but it snapped Logan out of his daze as he again started kicking and trying to get free.

“Let me go! Let me go!” Logan commanded to no avail. If anything Roman and Virgil held him even tighter as Janus carefully took a cannonball out of his pocket. Janus looked at it stoically but Roman and Virgil paled. 

“Patton, grab a life vest and some rope.” Janus commanded flatly. Patton made a sound of confirmation as Logan tried to get up again. Janus looked at him carefully. “Your jeans are still soaking. You are going to get sick. I do not know what you are thinking but you must calm down. You are going to hurt yourself, but you will not die. We will not let you.” Janus explained calmly, but Logan wasn’t reacting like he’d wanted.

“I can actually summon that away.” Roman offered. Janus nodded and with a wave of his hand Logan was only in his boxers. Patton approached them, his arms filled with blankets and towels with the rope hanging loosely on his shoulders and a life vest. 

“It’s ok Lo, we got you.” Patton said, before turning to Janus. “What happened?” He asked, Janus merely held up the cannon ball from before.

“These were found in his pockets.” Janus explained. Confusion filtered across Patton’s face, before he was hit by sudden realization.

“Oh.” He said softly, before turning to Logan. “Well, that’s ok kiddo. Let's get you dry.” By this time Logan had worked himself into exhaustion, not even able to fight the tears spilling from his face as he merely looked away.

Patton was gentle, so gentle it was almost painful. He wrapped the towel around him, drying him off and even rubbing it through his hair. When He was done someone secured the life vest tightly around him. Logan tried to undo the binding but Roman grabbed his hands and started tying them together.

“It’s for your own good kiddo.” Patton explained softly when Logan tried to pull away, the soft rope securing his hands in a way that made it impossible to escape. 

After he was cocooned in several blankets that made it even harder to move. Logan couldn’t have resisted if he wanted to, especially with Virgil and Janus flanking him in case he tried to move.

“I’m going to take this ship back home and send a letter to Remus. He’ll know what happened by the time we get home.” Roman said, standing up and going towards the hull. Patton nodded as he paced around nervously.

“Yes, that sounds good kiddo.” Patton said, before walking over to Logan. He was clearly scared and nervous, but he gave Logan a shaky smile anyway. “Don’t worry Lo, we’ll get home and keep you safe. We’ll help you get better, don’t worry about a thing.” He said softly before giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead and going back to pacing.

Logan didn’t want to stay safe, he didn’t want to get better. He wanted to die. But looking at the hawk like eyes of Virgil, the vigilance of Janus, and the feeling the rope tied around his hand he knew that wasn’t going to be an option. It didn’t matter what he wanted, it only mattered that his family wouldn’t let him get it. He was safe, and he was going to be safe whether he wanted to be or not.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed, I have a long fic coming up. Comment any ideas you have below.


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